So, why am I here again to vent about life? Simple: the online lectures I was attending are coming to an end. My socially-acceptable brain fodder is running low, and the usual escape to anime is hindered by limited internet. So, my "free" time is divided between "lazing" around and reading manga—not a very good thing when there's a long list of pending difficult tasks. A brief picture: it is everything involved in moving to a new place for graduate studies.
Moving to a new place as an adult implies that you [the adult] have to manage your accommodation etc. by yourself. Every day I lay in wait of e-mails, which may give more information and actually be helpful, or give vaguer descriptions than before, or worse, inform of non-availability. I also need to book the means of transportation. In addition to the shocking prices given the proximity to Christmas, who would've thought a one-year-old bundle of RNA packed in some protein would ground the world (or greatly limit my options, at least).
Online education is no match for "the old times". The faculty did a great job, no doubt in that. However, not meeting like-minded classmates and getting the feel of learning, along with the brain's logistic associations, like walking into the classroom and setting your notebook on the desk, have had their toll. Personally, I'd like this "toll" to appear as white hair because one of my favourite characters [Kaneki] has white hair. Instead, all this stress is internal. * exhales sharply *
The upcoming restless challenges follow the end of classes. My major source of motivation is gone. That made me realise that my source of motivation has been too short-term. I need to think longer-term, rather, I must, to get through graduate school (based on others' accounts assimilated from Twitter). A distinguished professor's words constantly come to mind: just smile. "Tackle the problem and it will go away." Something as simple as this offers solace in these blurry times decided by factors outside your control.
Writing is an awesome tool to organise your thoughts. I've come back to it after apparent breaks time and again, and will keep doing so. However, I have tried snd failed to keep up with a calendar—sometimes, you just don't have much to say. Will those uneventful moments going to disappear from memory? No point wondering about that now—I'm sure it will come up in some dreaded retrospective introspection sessions.
On the brighter (even darker) side, I won't (have an excuse) need to stay awake late in the night anymore. Maybe I should try correcting my sleep schedule again. I've been sleeping in a weird biphasic cycle which means my afternoons are dedicated to sleep or extreme grogginess, way beyond the point of being innocent "afternoon naps". Shorter continuous sleep times mean I don't get to see dreams, and I wanna dream again!! My dreams are often amazing when I do actually dream. That gives me an idea: my next posts could be (or include) my recollections of some interesting dreams. I tend to type them out in detail before I forgot—if I see a fricking dream, that is.
Welp, I've ranted enough for now. Further more!
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